Paper Hearts
by Unstable Firestarter
Summary: He felt some memory of deep sorrow-something he knew he couldn't really be experiencing, but it felt real enough to him. His biggest regret was never having the chance to tell Xigbar that he loved him.  Xigbar/Demyx.


**A/N:** ...I don't know what to say about this. I cried or nearly cried many a time while working on it, or just rereading portions of it. It's an idea I had for a long time, like weeks, maybe months, and it was originally going to be a chaptered fic, but I think it works better all as one story. I wrote about half of it-literally-in classes today, and then the other half once I got home. Time consuming, but well worth it. At least, I hope you guys think so. As usual, I don't own anything related to Kingdom Hearts except for the concept of Dyme.

* * *

"It'll only take a minute, really," the blonde said, struggling to keep up with the Freeshooter's longer stride, "Come on, wait up."

"Don't you have a mission you'll be late for, kid?" the older Nobody reminded him.

"I do, but…this is important," Demyx said pleadingly.

Hollow Bastion. He had a bad feeling about that place, and he didn't want to go, but he had no choice.

"So important that it can't wait until after you get back?" Xigbar questioned with a raised brow, finally stopping.

"What if there _is_ no after?" the blonde said quietly, looking down at the toes of his boots.

"You'll do fine, kid," Xigbar assured him, reaching out a hand to ruffle his mullet.

"But I-"

"If you don't get going, you'll end up getting an earful from Saïx," the Freeshooter said.

"But Xiggy-"

"Tell me when you get back." And then he warped, sufficiently ending the conversation.

Left standing there, the blonde blinked rapidly, suddenly finding that he was near tears. There was just one thing that he wanted to say-it'd felt so important, and now he didn't know if he'd ever get the chance. His shoulders slumped, and he reluctantly turned to go-he had a bad feeling about this.

----------

He really didn't want to be here. His foreboding feeling had increased now that he was actually on site-Hollow Bastion. He'd failed his mission in the Underworld, nearly gotten himself killed-wasn't that enough for them to figure out that he wasn't cut out for this sort of mission? There were others members far more suited for this mission-like Saïx or Axel, though Axel had gone AWOL and everyone was treating him as a traitor.

But Demyx hadn't been sent on this mission because he was suited for it-he'd been sent because he was meant to be fodder for the Keyblade master. He was only supposed to be a distraction, an obstacle. No one had come out and said it in so many words, but he'd known when Saïx had told him of the mission.

The Organization was desperate to complete Kingdom Hearts, and they wanted to waylay Sora as much as possible. They'd already lost members like Xaldin and Roxas and Lexaeus-but unlike them, the Nocturne wasn't considered important. That's why he was here.

And the one person he'd thought he was important to wouldn't listen to what he'd had to say.

There was no time to think of that now though-he could hear three sets of foot steps approaching swiftly behind him. Taking a deep breath, the blonde turned to face Sora and his loyal sidekicks. His usual greeting died on his lips though-he could tell just by looking at the hero boy that nothing he said would do any good.

He was evil to Sora, one of the bad guys by association. If only the kid-the hero who could do no wrong-if only he could understand that they weren't evil at all, or at least Demyx wasn't. They just wanted to be whole again, they wanted hearts and emotions. He'd never be able to convince Sora of that though, so the blonde wasn't even going to try.

Instead he just raised a hand, water surging together to shape his sitar.

Words had no place on the battlefield.

----------

Lost.

He'd lost.

Falling to his hands and knees, his sitar clattering against the rough stones and vanishing into a wisp, Demyx struggled to breathe.

He hadn't been a very good distraction-he'd given the fight his all, but it hadn't lasted very long. He'd failed-there would be no 'after', just as he'd feared.

He was fading already-it was a weird feeling, not what he'd imagined dying would be like, but it wasn't pleasant at any rate. He felt some memory of deep sorrow-something he knew he couldn't really be experiencing, but it felt real enough to him.

His biggest regret was never having the chance to tell Xigbar that he loved him.

----------

No one seemed to care at all about Demyx's absence-or at the very least, no one showed it. Not that anyone remaining in the Organization had really thought the kid was good for anything.

Except for one.

He didn't show it either, but somewhere deep down, Xigbar missed the Nocturne.

He knew he really couldn't, but he thought he felt a ghost of guilt-Demyx had wanted to tell him something before he'd left, and he'd simply brushed the kid off. Now Xigbar would never know what it had been.

----------

The days went by, Sora drew ever closer, and still missions were handed out like nothing was wrong.

It was during one of these missions that something unusual happened to Xigbar.

It started out business as usual, another run of the mill mission despite how desperate the Organization was getting. It didn't _end_ as a run of the mill mission though.

A blonde ambled out from behind one of the buildings, clothes ripped and streaked with blood-as if he'd had a rough time. For a second-just one, jolting second-Xigbar thought it was Demyx. But no. The hair was wrong-blonde, but floppy and messy, not a mullet-and the eyes were wrong-teal, not heterochromatic like Demyx's.

Geez, he must've been missing the kid more than he'd been aware of.

There _was_ something odd about this blonde though, the way he was walking directly up to Xigbar while all the other inhabitants of this world were doing their best to avoid him. The Freeshooter raised a brow as the blonde stopped in front of him, swaying on the spot.

He gave a very familiar, warm smile and spoke only one sentence. "Finally…found you, Xiggy." And then just like that, his eyes rolled back, his legs gave out, and he went down.

----------

It was _him_. It had to be.

Only one person had ever called him Xiggy.

That person had faded though.

So who was this blonde who now lie sleeping on the Freeshooter's bed while the Nobody himself sat in a chair near the corner? All of his wounds had been superficial-and easily treated-and now Xigbar was just watching him, with the same intensity and anxiety as one would watch over their sick puppy or child.

It had to be him. But he'd faded days ago.

Xigbar subconsciously held his breath when the blonde finally stirred, teal eyes fluttering open. He looked so young, so pale and fragile, and yet there was a quiet strength about him. Maybe it had something to do with the heart that beat within his chest.

His gaze swept quickly around the room, seeming almost panicked for a moment, but he visibly relaxed when he saw Xigbar. There was pure silence, neither of them knowing what to say, or daring to. Finally though, eventually, the silence was broken.

"…It's hurt so much, not being able to tell you what I wanted to," the blonde whispered.

That was-

"Who are you?" Xigbar asked, his own voice barely louder than a whisper.

"It's me…" the other said, teal eyes reflecting more pain than someone so young should be able to feel. "De-…no…" he closed his eyes a moment, licking his lips nervously, "It's Dyme. My name is Dyme."

Dyme.

Demyx.

_Demyx._

"How?" the Freeshooter said, finally remembering to breathe again.

"I don't know," Demyx-no, _Dyme_ said, spreading his hands in a gesture of helplessness, "I faded and then…and then…" he swallowed hard, fighting back overwhelming emotions.

Uncurling his legs from under him, he slid off the bed, moving to where Xigbar sat. Kneeling in front of him, Dyme took one of the Freeshooter's hands within his own, pressing his gloved palm against his chest.

"I've found what we're all searching for," the blonde said breathlessly, "I don't know how…but I have."

His pulse was steady, comforting, _real_. The reality of it was…overpowering. If this _was_ Demyx, then he'd become whole somehow.

"Maybe…I couldn't fade because I had something left to do…" Dyme said.

He seemed confused, anxious, and yet he held firm to what he had to do. Still holding Xigbar's hand against his chest, the blonde leaned forward and kissed him. It was soft and fleeting, nervous but _sincere_.

"I wanted to tell you…that I love you," he whispered, biting anxiously on his lip.

"You…_love me?_" Xigbar repeated, blinking. He didn't know what to make of this-everything was happening too fast, it was so confusing.

Dyme nodded faintly, fingers tightening around the Freeshooter's. His pulse had quickened to a swift, fluttering staccato rhythm against the Nobody's palm.

A pulse. A heart.

Demyx.

Demyx _loved_ him.

"I'm sorry," Xigbar said, at first not even sure why he was apologizing.

Dyme wasn't sure either, and the confusion showed in his eyes. "Xiggy?" Was this when he would be rejected? He knew that Nobodies didn't have true, beating hearts, but he still believed that they could feel.

"I shouldn't have let you go," the Freeshooter clarified, wrapping his arms around Dyme and pulling him close, "I should've listened to what you had to say."

The blonde's confusion changed to a swell of hope and he returned the embrace, resting his head against Xigbar's chest. "I'm here now though," he said softly, voice choked by tears that had yet to fall, "I'm here now."

"Wish I'd known before," Xigbar said, sounding bitter-but his anger was directed at himself, "I shouldn't've brushed you off, but I didn't think anything would happen to you."

"Why would you think that?" Dyme couldn't help but ask. He wasn't-or hadn't-been a fighter, so any combat mission had been-quite literally-suicide for him.

"Because you'd always seemed to repel danger, kid," the Nobody said with a weak attempt at a chuckle.

_Repelled danger._ Only because he'd used to go out of his way on missions to avoid fighting Heartless or confronting any world inhabitants. There was no way he could repel danger when he was sent to directly face the Keyblade master though.

"Couldn't repel danger this last time," Dyme muttered aloud, voice muffled as he buried his face against Xigbar's shoulder.

There was something that was still gnawing at the back of his mind, the reason he'd been searching for Xigbar ever since awakening after losing to Sora. He was afraid of the answer, but the anxiety of waiting was winding his insides tight as a spring.

"Xiggy…" he said softly, drawing back enough to look up at him. The rest of the blonde's question stuck in his throat when he met the Nobody's gaze, teal on golden.

He didn't have to finish his question though. What he wanted to ask seemed to be apparent, because Xigbar ducked down and kissed him. It was soft and tender and the blonde wanted to melt into it, his muscles going weak.

_"I love you too,"_ Xigbar murmured against his lips.

Dyme's breath caught in his chest, his heart most certainly missing a few beats, and he struggled to swallow against the painful tightness that had formed in his throat. Was it true? Was it really true? He didn't have to ask, he just searched Xigbar's expression-he'd been around the Nobody long enough to tell by now if he was lying or not. He wasn't.

His arms went limp, slipping back to his sides as he sat back on his feet, and Xigbar let him, hands remaining on his shoulders. Teal eyes were already filling with tears, and before he knew it, he was crying. He was just so overwhelmed, so…so joyful, that he thought his heart might burst from the intensity of it.

The blonde didn't try to stop his tears; they'd been building for far too long to be held back now. He'd gone so long, so long, waiting, worrying, alone. He'd never expected this moment to happen the way it did, but it _happened_, and all his fears, at least on this matter, had been for nothing.

Crying silently, he leaned forward to rest his head against Xigbar's knee.

_He was loved._

Xigbar loved him.

----------

"It's not safe for you here."

"I don't care. I want to be here with you."

There wasn't defiance or anger in his eyes, just longing and a fear of being left alone. That was why he always slept so close to Xigbar after all; legs tangled together, arms wrapped around his waist, head nestled against the Nobody's chest. Sure, it made getting up in the morning difficult, but it was worth it to be together. Besides, Dyme's reasons were understandable; he feared separation, because he knew how easy it could be-it had happened to him personally after all.

"Demyx," Xigbar started-yes, _Demyx_, because he'd asked once, and Dyme said that he didn't care what he was called, so long as they were together, "If anyone else finds out 'bout you…"

"I know," the blonde sighed, ducking his head to nuzzle into the crook of Xigbar's arm, "But I don't want to leave you. Not like anyone ever comes into your room anyway."

"Don't you ever get tired of being cooped up in here?" the Nobody asked, threading his fingers through Dyme's soft hair.

"…No," Dyme said with a laugh and bit of a shy blush, "'Cause it's _your_ room."

----------

"No!" he protested again, both hands wrapped around Xigbar's wrist, refusing to let go, "You can't, he's too strong, he'll kill you, he-" he was silenced by fingers pressed gently against his lips.

"I have to go, kid; I'm the next line of defense for the castle," the other explained patiently, even though time was of the essence and it shouldn't be wasted, not with the hero boy so close, "'Sides, I'll be fine."

_"No!"_ Dyme said again, shaking his head violently, his grip like a vice, "Then why do we have to stay? Why can't we get out of here?"

"Demyx, I'll be fine," Xigbar said again, gently trying to pry the trembling fingers from around his wrist-the effort was futile.

"Please," the blonde pleaded, inhaling sharply as he tried-failed-to keep from crying, however slightly, "I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," Xigbar said, moving closer to wrap his other arm around Dyme. "I'll be back," he assured the blonde, pressing a kiss to his forehead; "I love you."

And then he was gone, leaving Dyme grasping at only air.

----------

Like _hell_ he was just going to sit around and do nothing, _like fucking hell._

Which way was it towards the front of the castle again? What was the closest way to the Hall of Empty Melodies-the room that had once been his favorite? He struggled to remember as he ran down the hall, footsteps and breathing seeming far too loud in the silence. How long had it been since he'd traveled these halls? It couldn't have been too long, but it felt like forever.

Before long though, Dyme realized that it would be easy getting to the Hall of Empty Melodies; there was a location in the castle that felt like it was swarming with darkness-or at least he figured that's what it was from the horribly foreboding feeling it gave him. Amazing, how the natural instincts said to flee the darkness, while Nobodies embraced it.

He knew he was heading in the right direction when the sounds of a fight reached his ears, and he felt his blood run cold. Hurry, he had to hurry, he couldn't let anything happen to Xigbar. They'd been separated once before and he wasn't going to allow it to happen again, whatever the cost.

Even if he was only human and limited in what he could do.

----------

It was _Heartless_ that gave the room such a chill, that made him want to turn and run, but he stood firm where he was on the balcony. Down below, that's where the fight was. Xigbar and Sora.

He couldn't tell how things were going, but he just had a bad feeling-and he feared things would take a turn from the worst. As it was…Sora possibly seemed to have the upper hand. And there was absolutely nothing Dyme could do about anything because he was only human.

Weak, helpless.

He turned teal eyes down to the churning masses of shadow Heartless below him, considering his options. His gaze swung back to the fight, and he winced as Xigbar took a particularly unpleasant blow. He couldn't just stand here and watch, just stand here and watch Xigbar be killed. He had to do something, he had to act.

Taking a deep breath, he climbed up onto the railing that surrounded the platform. No one was even aware of his presence.

No one except for the Heartless.

His heart was strong, if he was swallowed by their masses, he would become what he had been before, he would have the power to protect Xigbar. He just had to cling to his memories, he couldn't lose them or else he would lose everything. He had to hold onto them tight, just as he did his will to survive that he wouldn't vanish into nothingness.

It was as he was falling forward, tumbling down through the air that he heard someone shout his name, and he knew it was Xigbar. It sent a pang of guilt needling through his chest, but he couldn't take back his actions-_he had to do this._

Hitting the mass of Heartless was like hitting a black cloud, and he closed his eyes, not fighting them. It was the greatest sacrifice he could make-he'd been reborn whole and he was sacrificing that for love-he had no other choice.

It hurt so much when they ripped his heart from his chest-the worst pain-hurt so much when they were technically killing him, but he didn't regret his choice-he had to do it, he had to be strong enough to protect him, had to…remember…why he was fighting…

----------

Demyx…Demyx had taken a swan dive into the teeming mass of Heartless. What in the hell could he be thinking? After everything they'd been through, he might very well be gone again, for the second time-and all for what? What was he-wait…what was that?

An arm was reaching up out of the Heartless, out of the darkness, though it was an odd motion, like it wasn't being consciously controlled. After a second, the rest of a human figure followed, as if the darkness was expelling them-like it didn't want them anymore. This scene was sufficient to distract Xigbar from the fight, but luckily it also distracted Sora, who was now standing there with his Keyblade half raised, clearly trying to figure out what was going on, just like the Nobody was.

----------

Blue and green eyes opened, blinked a few times, processed the white and gray ceiling he was staring up at. Who was he? What was his name? _Demyx._ Good.

What was he doing here? What was his purpose? _To protect Xigbar no matter the cost._ Good.

Everything was in order then, it seemed-he knew who he was, he knew what was important to him, but…did he know how to fight? He supposed that would be the next thing to figure out.

First though, first, there was the task of climbing to his feet, which was just as easy as it had ever been. Straightening his clothes, he ran one hand back through his dirty blonde mullet. He took a deep breath, glanced back a bit over his shoulder-Xigbar and Sora were still just standing there staring at him like he was a ghost or zombie or something that'd just risen from the grave.

And really, in a way he was.

Finally, he turned to face them, enjoying the way Sora's jaw dropped, but managed to keep a completely emotionless expression. Of course Sora would be surprised.

"I-I…" hero boy stammered, "But you're-"

"I'm alive," the Nocturne finished for him, moving to stand between the Keyblade master and Xigbar, "And if you want to stay that way yourself…you'll head that way." He took a step back, pointing to the door on the other side of the room, the door that Sora had before been battling to reach.

"Demyx," Xigbar said with a frown, "What're you-"

"We're through, Xiggy," the blonde said, stepping back closer and reaching blindly for the other's hand, threading their fingers together tightly, "We're through with the Organization. Done. If Xemnas wants to go down in flames, let him, but don't let him drag us down with him."

He turned mismatched eyes to Sora now, who was still in a state of shock as he stared at them. "Go ahead," Demyx said, nodding his head towards the door, "What remains of the Organization's through there. We're not your enemies anymore."

Finally, the brunette found his voice again, while Xigbar appeared to have lost his.

"How…Why are you doing this?" the Keyblade master asked, wary of their motives and not wanting to be taken advantage of.

"Because," Demyx said, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, "We're in love, and we're through with this war. I don't want to lose him, I can't, he's all I have." His eyes matched the sincerity of his words, and he saw Sora's suspicion wavering.

"I don't understand," the boy started, but wasn't allowed to finish.

"Dem, we have to go," Xigbar interrupted, tugging at the blonde's hand to get his attention.

Turning, Demyx followed his gaze to see what was wrong. Saïx, looking none too pleased with what he had apparently overheard. But there wasn't going to be anything he could do to them-they were about to leave and Sora was there, and the Keyblade master was strong enough to finish off what remained of the Organization-if he had dealt with Lexaeus and Marluxia, he could deal with the Diviner.

Time was limited-Xigbar was opening a portal now, but Demyx turned back to Sora one last time. Their survival depended on his success-and the faith that he would let them live in peace. It was a risk, but one the blonde felt was worth taking. Besides, it wasn't as though, after the fact, the both of them wouldn't be more than a fair match for the boy should the time call for it.

"I know you can do it, Sora," the Nocturne said even as he was being pulled into the portal, "Because we all have something important we're fighting for, right?"

Fighting for something important. Making sacrifices. Like he had, like he would time and time again for Xigbar.

That's where true strength came from.

----------

The ocean waves in the distance were a gentle melody, soothing and calm, and the blonde smiled to himself as he listened, his eyes closed. Peaceful, quiet, just laying there on the porch swing with his head on Xigbar's lap while the swing rocked gently from side to side, propelled by the motion of one foot. Humming a soft tune to himself, the former Nocturne opened one eye, gazing up at his lover.

So quiet. So peaceful.

"You know…" Xigbar said, looking down at him and running a hand through soft blonde hair, "When you said you loved me, I didn't think you'd give up your heart for me."

"I'd give anything for you," Demyx said softly with a smile, "You're all that matters."

"Yeah?" the older said with a smile of his own, "Well the next time you get some crazy scheme to save me, make sure it doesn't involve hearts. Or your life, okay?"

"Whatever you say, Xiggy," Demyx agreed willingly, wrapping his arms around the older man's neck to pull himself up for a kiss. "I love you," he murmured.

"I love you too, Dem, always will," Xigbar replied, pulling the blonde close against him and holding him there.

Demyx didn't know much about heaven and that sort of thing, but he was sure that if such a place existed, it had to be a lot like this.


End file.
